The Cirque
by Kiwi02
Summary: B's mum died giving birth and B has been raised by a Cirque. She travels with them round the world until they hit the US. Now, she is 18 and wants a normal life so what happens when she meets people that she met at the Cirque but they haven't changed.
1. Prologue

Prologue

It was a cold and blustery night. The wind howled angrily yet the woman staggered on. Her stomach protruded in front of her and her hand was wrapped around it protectively. She collapsed in a heap on the hillside and screamed in agony. Quickly, she looked back, her eyes wide with pain and terror, in fear that they had heard her. Groaning again as another contraction hit, the woman tried to crawl behind the trees that lined the hillside. Collapsing against a trunk, she squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to relieve the pain that she felt.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Four hours later xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The sun was starting to creep out over the horizon but the woman was still there, slouched against the tree trunk, holding onto her stomach. She was panting and her knees were pulled up to her chest. Her head dropped and it seemed that the strength was slowly slipping from her body. Again, her eyes tightened and she screamed for the last time. Panting slightly still, she pushed and from the folds in her dress came a small yet strong cry. She smiled slightly before reaching down and cradling the small bundle. She grabbed her knife from her pocket and cut the umbilical cord before removing her shall and wrapping her newborn daughter in it.

"Bella. My beautiful Isabella." She sighed then fell asleep, never to wake again.

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Okay, i just want to know if you think i should continue with this story. I am in the middle of exams so updates will be unpredictable.

Please just review and tell me what you think.

Cullen1994


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Twelve Years later

I pulled out the last card from the tarot deck and flipped it over, showing it to the couple sitting opposite me. So far, they had a peaceful and happy future together, one of the best that I had seen in my years at the Cirque. Secretly, I was hoping that some sort of misfortune would hit them and set the balance right. If I had to lose a mother and have no father, no one else should have such a happy life. I knew that it was mean and selfish of me but I couldn't help but feel that way. My life has been crap. It's that simple. I have no real family or friends. Only the people who lived with the Cirque and even they moved on or left me. I was all alone and I knew that nothing or no one was going to change that. In the last twelve years of my life, the only solid person I had was Jacob. The only problem with Jacob is that he is a dog, more specifically, an Alsatian puppy. I had found Jake abandoned behind a pizza parlour that we had stopped at. He was so small and I knew that he was just like me. An abandoned baby. So I took him in, raised him secretly in the Cirque and when I knew that he wouldn't get kicked out, I told the boss, Billy, about him. Surprisingly, he laughed and told me that he too had a secret friend. He then brought out Leah, a small Westie puppy. When he passed away from a heart attack, she was left to me.

That was two months ago and I'm still trying to get used to looking after two puppies. Both of whom want my un-dividing attention. However, right now I had to play the act of happy psychic who actually gives a crap about the couple opposite.

"I see great joy in your life together." I said in the unbelievably fake mystic voice that all psychics do, "You can have a peaceful and happy future if you follow your correct path. Follow the wrong, and all joy will be lost." They both looked so proud of their fortunes and I could feel myself hating them a little bit more each second. They had everything I had ever wanted, a person they could rely on and someone who loves them unconditionally. I shuffled them out and looked outside my van to see if anyone else was waiting for a reading. When I saw no one, I went back inside and unlocked the half door that led to my bed. Quickly, Jake and Leah came bounding out. They jumped up to meet me and, giggling I bent down to their level, to scratch behind their ears as they continued to lick my face in greeting. I stood up and made my way into the kitchen half of my cabin. It was very basic and only held what I needed. I didn't own anything extravagant and I didn't need to. This meant that I was able to leave if I ever needed to, I didn't have roots to tie me down. If the Cirque moved, I moved. The only thing I needed to do was attach my van to the back of my horses and I was on my way.

Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I filled up the two bowls that I kept for the dogs on the floor. They both scampered over and lapped up the water as if it was the best thing in the world. I sighed again and went back into the main compartment of my gypsy van which was full of flowing fabrics and was perfumed with the smell of incense. A knock sounded on the door and I opened it, revealing a man only a few years older than myself, well, I suppose most people are older than me, seeing as I am only twelve years old. He looked at me confused for just a second until he glanced back at the girl behind him. She had a pixie look about her face and was small but encouraged the man into the van. He entered and looked around dubiously at my home. I knew what he was thinking, 'how can a person expect to be taken seriously when she covers the place in the stereotypical image.' And I fully agreed with him. That was the reason I did it, so people wouldn't take it seriously. This way, I can spook them out but if it was anything serious, they would not worry, only I would. I know that whatever came from the cards is true; I know that I could predict the future, not in visions but through the cards. They told me about how I would find a friend but he would not be as I expect. They brought me to Jake and I thank whoever gave me this gift for that as if I was not a believer, I would not have looked, would not have heard his pitiful cries. I would not someone to keep me here, someone who loves me just as I love them. I am a pessimistic and stubborn person but only because I know when I am right and I know that the world is a dark place if you do not have a person who can help guide the way.

The man sat down and the girl joined him, both sitting opposite me on the stools that I borrowed from another stall. The girl looked at me excitedly and she had a glint in her eye as if she knew what the outcome of this visit would entail, as if she knew that what would be said would be true. I nodded in her direction and looked at the man. He was the epitome of perfection yet it seemed as if he was oblivious to it, as if he knew it was there but didn't want it. Looking into his eyes I could see a world of pain that reflected my own. They were bottomless pits of loneliness, well disguised with a veil of love, for whom I wasn't sure, but I knew that he had someone, whether it was family or just friends, he had someone who was able to take the edge off the pain. I nodded to him again as I finished my assessment, which lasted only a second or two. During this time, they both had been looking at me, the girl in anticipation and the boy in annoyance. My guards were up instantly, they didn't think that I was the psychic, well he didn't at least. I could see that he thought I was a fraud, and I hated people who judged others before they knew them. I know that it is hypocritical as I hated him before knowing him but I couldn't help it, it was instinctual.

"Hi! I'm Alice." The girl chimed at me. I was taken back by her voice; it had a musical quality to it and made me smile. It reminded me of a couple who came to me about a year ago and they wanted their fortunes told. Overall, it was a simple procedure, just split the cards into three then ask the question. The first card tells of the past, the second of the present and the last, the future. What surprised me were the results. They had the strangest assortment of cards: Death, the High Priestess and Temperance. I was confused when they appeared as I have never pulled out together before. However, they didn't seem concerned and went on their way.

"Bella." I replied to her, coming out of my memories and nodding again in her direction. "And you are?" I asked the boy next to her.

"Edward." He said shortly, "and could you tell me were the psychic is? My sister wants a reading." He asked. I smiled again and looked at him until he clicked onto the fact that I was the psychic. He looked contrite and I smiled again in forgiveness, yet my insides were boiling with hate. I looked back to Alice and she smiled at me in encouragement.

"So Alice, what would you like to know?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Well," she replied, "I'm interested in my future. I would like to know if I will be happy."

"Very well." I said as I split the twenty-two major arcane cards from the pack into three piles. I asked the question, "What does Alice's future have in store?" and turned over the first card, the card from the past. The Hermit flashed through my mind before I turned the card and there it was, the Hermit, smiling up at me from the paper surface. Looking up at Alice I explained the cards significance, "The Hermit. This shows your past and tells me that you have had a lonely past, spent in silence and solitude. Whether this was for an inner search, I do not know. Only you know this, as it is your past." I said with a smirk. Both of them were looking at me with mystified looks upon their faces. I knew what this meant, I was correct. Her past was a secret, full of silence and if my intuition was correct, they were not sure what it held. I smiled again at them, trying to comfort them as I knew how they were feeling. When my first reading came true, I knew that something was wrong with me. This was only confirmed when the others started to come true.

I turned to the next card and placed my hand on it. The Lovers and the Sun flashed before my eyes, not the first time that two cards have come to me at once. I turned it over and it was The Lovers staring at me. Blushing slightly, I looked up at Alice, "The Lovers. A sign of passion and romance in your life. You have a partner and, from what it could have been, it seems as though you have a happy and passionate relationship. Yet it doesn't seem to be all physical, it is also a sensual relationship that completes both of you." Again, they looked impressed yet I could see a question surfacing in Alice. Turning to her I probe her with my eyes. Seeing this as an invitation to ask her question, she said,

"What did you mean 'from what it could have been'?"

"Well, before I turn over the card, I see a flash, an image of the card underneath. In this instance, it could have been the Lovers or the Sun. The Sun is a symbol of innocence, joy and energy. It is sometimes referred to as the best card that could be received." I smiled at her coyly as she looked at me with wide eyes. However, Edward's eyes started to dance with laughter as he read my expression. I turned slightly to look at him and he smiled at me kindly. My hate for him was slowly disappearing the longer I stayed in his presence. I looked back to Alice and found her staring hard at the last card. Smiling again, I touched the card and saw a flash; however, it was not in line with the other cards. It was the Tower. I turned it over and there in front of us was the tower, going up in flames. Grimily, I looked back up at Alice who was now staring at the flames with wide and terrified eyes. "The Tower. This can mean many things, such as chaos or just a sudden change. This card is the future so I cannot tell you what this means but it seems that in sometime in your future, something or someone will change yourself or your family. This could result in chaos, whether that is literally or figuratively." Both of them looked shocked at this outcome and I was there with them. This had never come up in any readings that had started out as well as hers had done. Trying to lighten the mood that had darkened ever since I had turned over the card, I looked at Edward and asked if he wanted a reading.

"I'm sorry, but we have to be going now. Thank you for this. It was… interesting." He replied. I smiled at him and rose up, ushering them both out the door. Waiting outside were two couples and a tall man, all pale yet beautiful. Alice danced over to the tall stranger and he put his arms around her shoulders and turned her to face him. Edward turned back to thank me and then disappeared into the crowd that surrounded the stalls around my van. I nodded to the remaining couples, my eyes lingering on the eldest. They were both strikingly similar to the people who had come to me a year ago. It seemed as though they recognised me too as they both smiled and nodded back. Retreating back into my van, I sat back down, only to get up again as the next customers arrived. I brought them in and the process started again. Only this time, the results were a bit more joyous.

It was only a couple of hours alter that I got the urge to flip the cards for my own pleasure. This happened every so often but each time the outcome had been important. I split the cards yet did not ask a question, I didn't have one and didn't need one. Not when the powers that be ask me to look. Flipping the first card, I saw Death, as usual when I looked into my past. It was full of sadness and loss. Not just because I had no mother but also since I had no father. I never knew him. I was found on a hillside by the Cirque which was travelling through Ireland at the time. However, in my heart, I do not think that I am from Ireland; I think I was born in the wild, a traveller and I believe that I will continue travelling. When I was only eight years old, I received the cards from Billy and I played with them until things came true. It was then that I decided that I wouldn't settle I would be a nomad and travel all my life, just as the cards had predicted many times. Flipping over the next card, I saw The Fool. This surprised me. For the last few years, this card had been the Hanged Man, a card which is one of an outcast, and I had come to accept this about me. I would never fit in and I was happy about that fact. Now it had changed to the Fool, a spirit in search of experience. It meant that change was on its way and that it should be confronted, not hidden. Shaking off the foreboding feelings, I turned over the last card. The Wheel of Fortune was staring up at me, silently mocking me as it showed a crossroads in my life was ahead. Destiny was occurring soon and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

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**So? What do you think? Should I continue? And if I do, what age should Bella be and where should she be? I was thinking 16 in Liverpool, England.**

**Please review and leave a suggestion!!**

**P.S Thinking of getting a beta. Anyone interested???**


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sixteen Years old

The carnival had just moved to a new city when I felt the need to once again check the cards. This had happened many times during the last month and even though I wouldn't tell anyone, I was getting worried. They had never occurred this frequently and had never been this bad. Over the last few years, we had visited many new countries around the world, including France, Spain, Germany and Greece. From these countries, I had perfected each language and learned many things about their culture. The different languages helped me let out my anger when I was around others since I was able to swear as much as I needed to in another language and thy do not get offended. Recently, I had favoured Spanish.

Reaching for the pack of cards that I always kept with me, I separated the pack into three piles. For the first time since I got the urge to use the cards, I asked a question,

"What are you trying to tell me?" I touched the first card and flipped it over. Death, as usual looked up at me. I knew that this would happen, as it does every time, but still it saddened me till I was again depressed. Turning my attention to the next card, I flipped it to show the Wheel of Fortune. It told me that I had a choice to make. This was never good and I hated to know what the outcome could be. Since it was a choice, it could either be good or bad and since I wasn't sure what I had to choose yet, I dreaded to know the outcome. Bracing myself for the inevitable heartache that would come my way, I flipped the last card. The Lovers stared up at me and, confused I stared at the card, waiting for it to change even though I knew that was impossible.

"What the-" I whispered, unable to comprehend what this meant. A knock on the door brought me back to my senses and I quickly scrambled up to open the door to my now battered van. It was Mike, one of the clowns that travelled along with us. He was annoying and I didn't try to spare his feelings when talking to him. "What do you want dipshit?"

"Isabella, how lovely to see you. You look ravishing." I looked down at what I was wearing. It was an old pair of black pyjama bottoms that had holes in them and a 'My Chemical Romance' hoodie.

"I'll ask again, what do you want dipshit?" I said, my voice betraying my ever growing annoyance. He at least had the decency to look sheepish as he said,

"Sorry. The boss said that we are stopping by the prom. So we need to move on for a bit." He was gesturing to a large grassy area that faced out over the River. I nodded once at him then closed the door. I still didn't see why he couldn't have just told me that in the first place. It wasn't like I would have bitten his head off, maybe his hand or just a finger, but not his head. Jacob and Leah barked twice from my bed and I opened the half door with a flick of my hand. They both bounded into the kitchen area and I followed them in with a sigh. I couldn't wait to get the carnival set up and then explore the city of Liverpool. Everyone who knew we were going there spoke of its beautiful monuments but I couldn't really care less about them. I just wanted to shop and apparently there was a great shop that sold a fantastic array of gothic clothing. I had become really into the gothic scene after I had seen the Lolita Goths in counties like China and Japan. Even though, I was not a full Lolita, I still took inspiration from their fashion and incorporated it with the more classic look. I owned a lot of velvet and corsets but I was not allowed to wear them when I was working with the cards as the Boss said it frightened off customers. I thought that they could sod off. If they didn't like the way I dress, that's their problem, not mine. Why should I worry over what others think of me?

I stepped out of the van and went up to check on the horses, Jess and Jared. They were comfortably eating at the sparse amount of grass that lined the pavement. I patted their back and once again, attached the van to their harness. They snorted slightly but were otherwise calm. I kissed their necks and then went back into the van. The inside had changed dramatically since I had first started out. The bed area was now covered in band posters and various gothic pictures that I had procured over the years. The main area in which I looked at people's future was still covered in wispy material but there was a sense of darkness from the back material that I ha added to brig my personality through. The kitchen was the same, with a small fridge and microwave that was set up along the back wall. That was all I needed and I loved it more than any other place on earth. On the outside, the van was painted white and it was decorated with black and red roses that intertwined with each other. I opened the small window that was next to the fridge and saw the other vans and trailers getting ready to move. Reaching into the fridge and pulling out a drink, I grabbed a pair of comfy black slippers and went to sit behind the horses, ready to steer them into the correct position. I guided them after the car in front of me and could see people walking by stop and stare at me. I couldn't blame them, I would do the same thing, but it still annoyed me. The ride to the promenade was quick and we were soon setting the place up. Tents started to tower over me and I walked back to my van when I saw Mike making a beeline towards me. He, and everyone else, knew that no one but me and the dogs' came into the van. It was my space and I didn't want anyone to disturb it. Rushing up the steps that entered the van, I locked the door quickly, sliding down the door as I looked around. Leah came trotting up and snuggled into my side. I stroked her fur absentmindedly as I thought of what I could do next. The carnival wasn't opening tonight as people wanted to relax and settle into their new surroundings. That left me a night of nothing to do. I knew that Liverpool was meant to have a brand new shopping centre and I couldn't wait to see what this gothic shop was like. Quiggins, I was told it was called. With my mind made up, I stood up and walked over to the boxes that were under the bed. Picking up a box, I opened it to reveal the new dress that I had found in Manchester, the last place in which we had set up camp. It was charcoal black and went down to just above my knee. It had a corset type trunk section with black ribbon that tied up to form a bow at the top. The skirt had two tiers with lace framing the bottom hem. A small half cardigan came with it in the same colour and fabric. Overall, I loved it and couldn't wait to wear it. I had black sheer tights and a pair of black lace up ankle boots to go with it as well. Grabbing my wash bag, I walked over to the communal showers that we bought years ago. After I had showered, I put my pats and hoodie back on and walked back to the van, my wet hair chilling me to the bone. I locked the door to my van when I had gotten back and changed quickly into the dress and tights. Liverpool was cold this time of ear and I don't think I would be able to survive this place without them. I grabbed my black coffin purse from the hanger and searched around fro my makeup. I was going for a simple look, mainly black eye liner with grey and lack eye shadow. My skin was already pale and so didn't need any foundation and my lips were a light pink. I straightened my shoulder length hair and tied a black satin ribbon in it. I checked the mirror and nodded once to myself, happy with the way I looked. I checked in on the dogs, happy to see that they were fast asleep in front of the fridge, their water bowls empty. I filled them up before I left and then grabbed my purse from the table by the door. Stuffing it into my bag, I emerged into the twilight that had descended. The wind from the river was soft and gentle on my skin and I closed my eyes for a moment, revelling in the sensation. I walked over to the Boss' tent and let him know that I was leaving. I walked over to the bus stop that was along the road and got onto the first bus that I saw. Sitting down, I received many strange looks. I knew what they were thinking but I tried to control the hatred I felt as they silently judged me. I did what I did every time that I got angry. I closed my eyes and pictured his face. It calmed me down every time that I used it and now was no exception. I traced his face in my mind. His pale skin with slight bruises under his eyes, as if he had a restless nights sleep the night before. His eyes were a light topaz and they captivated me each time I saw them in my mind. His hair reminded me of fire, the untameable element that had been non existent in my life. The bronze streaks that captured the sun and shimmered as the rays bounced off.

My eyes opened when I heard the driver shout last stop and I quickly got up and exited the bus. I looked at my surrounding and followed the stream of people who were going to the centre of the shops. I walked up a small side road and came across Waterstones. Entering, I spent an hour or so getting lost in the literature that surrounded me. When I came out the shop, the sky had darkened even more so I rushed to find Quiggins, the shop I so desperately wanted to find. When I found it, I walked in and was in heaven. Heavy rock music cam from an old juke box that was in the corner and the walls were lined with t-shirts that had funny slogans on them. I found cute dresses and skirts that I knew I would love. Buying the clothes quickly, I walked back to the bus stop. It was nearing 9pm now and I wanted to get back to my van. To just sit and relax with a book and a hot chocolate, to prepare for the hectic day that will be tomorrow.

I reached the carnival at about 9:30 and saw the bonfire that the others most likely started. I knew that they would be busy getting wasted and high and so quietly crept back to the van. I sat there for about an hour, just reading and playing with the dogs until sleep crept upon me. I welcomed it gladly and sank down into unconsciousness. My mind went over the things that I had done today until I got to his face. I could never forget it; it was the face of an angel. I could remember the day that he and his pixie of a sister came to me, she wanted her fortune told and it was a strange one, one I hadn't told since then. However, that was only the first time I saw him. He had come to me the next day as we were packing up, ready to move onto the next city. He walked right up to my van and knocked on the door. Jake started to bark and so Leah started off in protest. I opened the door and saw him standing at the bottom of the steps. He looked at me curiously. I wasn't dressed in the costume that I had to wear when I used the cards and so was wearing my torn black jeans and an 'Iron Maiden' top. He smiled slightly at my choice of dress and I smiled back, my eyes questioning his being here.

"I came to apologise." He said, to my unanswered question. His voice a beacon to all angels out there as it caressed the words that emerged. I remember that it was like velvet and made me drawn to him even more. "For my actions and prejudices the last time we met." He clarified when I hadn't said a word in response.

"Oh! Thank you. I… am sorry too. I know that I should have been more welcoming. I was having a hard day but that doesn't excuse me." I was shocked at myself. If anyone else had said that to me I would have told them to fuck off but I just couldn't do it to him. He made me different and I wasn't sure if I liked it. He left after that but for the four years since then, I haven't been able to get his face out of my mind. He plagued my dreams and my every thought, not that I was really complaining. I slept peacefully then, with his face staring back at me.

It was the next morning that the urge came again. Waking up, I reached for the cards, laying them out in the familiar pattern. I flipped the first and for the first time ever, death wasn't staring back at me, but The Hermit. He was a person of solitude and inner searching. It told me that my past was shaping me for the future and that the knowledge I have found will guide me forward. With my spirits lifted, I turned the second and my old friend Death was there. I knew that it was too good to be true that he wasn't coming up. It told me that an end was coming, that deep change was happening. This time I knew what change it was. I had been feeling restless for the past few months and had been thinking of leaving the carnival and trying to live on my own. I was really just waiting for the right place but also the right age. Sixteen was too young for me to leave so I had to wait a year or two. Taking a deep breath, I flipped the last card. The Star shined up at me and relief came over me like a tidal wave. It meant good things to come, and now, I couldn't wait for my future to start.

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**So what do you think? **

**by the way, there are pictures on my profile of a few things**

**Review please!!!**


	4. Chapter 3

**Sorry! I forgot to put this at the beginning so for the rest of the story, **

**I do not own any of these characters, they belong to Stephenie Meyer. However, I do own the storyline! **

Chapter 3

Eighteen Years old

Seattle had been a fantastic city and I didn't want to move on. I loved this city and, it reminded me of home, wherever that was. Over the last two years, the carnival had travelled by boat to America and had gradually toured the country, stopping at various places for a few nights at a time. We had all been welcomed graciously into the country and so far, I have had an amazing time. Business wise, we had made more money than ever and because of this, I was able to but myself a laptop and phone so that I could keep in touch with the other Carnies. I had travelled alone a few times as well, stopping off in small towns to tell fortunes and making enough money of my own so that I could support myself if I ever wanted to leave. The cards, so far, had been pretty kind to me and hadn't thrown any obstacles in my path. However, I knew that couldn't last, my luck just wasn't that good.

This was our last night in Seattle and I was still upset that we were leaving. I had no reason to move from his area and just couldn't face another round of travelling with the others. In the last two years, we hadn't gotten any closer and I didn't see the need. I only travelled because I had nowhere else to go. I wanted out and I wanted out now. With my mind made up, I went to see the Boss. I wasn't quite sure what his name was, I just knew that he organised the places we went to and how we travelled. His tent was a standard square and was a deep green colour with a rim of gold around the top. The flap for the door was closed and the inside seemed quiet. Barging right in, as was my attitude, I walked right up to the man behind the desk that was situated right in the middle. I sat down in the chair opposite and put my feet up on the desk. My black ankle boots banged on the mahogany wood and I waited for the high backed chair to turn around. It stayed where it was and I sighed loudly, displaying my annoyance.

"Right, well if you are going to be difficult, I just wanted to tell u that I am leaving. Right now." I stated, waiting to see if I was going to get a response. When none came, I stood up and took the money that was sitting on the desk. "Ciao." I said and walked out. I strutted through the camp, high on the fact that I was leaving this place. I could see others staring in my direction as I walked past. They were surprised and I didn't blame them, I hardly ever left my van, and when I did, it was only to go to the bathroom or the shower cubicles. My white van came into sight and I hurried up, so I could leave as quickly as possible. My short black skirt was flapping in the wind and I tried to hold it down but it was useless. Jared and Jess were both snacking on the hay bales that I had set out for them both. I attached the harness to them and clipped it into the van. Stepping up into the van, I was greeted by the sounds of Jake and Leah bounding up to me. They were both bigger now and took up more room. They usually slept outside in the small baskets that I kept under the van for them both now as they were just too big to stay in the van. I scratched their ears and grabbed a hoodie from my bed. Locking up the door to the van, and making sure everything was inside, I sat back up by the horses. Taking hold of the reins, I instructed the horses to move on and we moved on down the road.

I had moved around on my own for a week now and I loved the life on my own. I had the freedom that I always wanted and had everything that I needed. Whenever I needed money, I just set up camp and read fortunes. It was surprising how many people were willing to pay for this.

I was now near to Port Angeles and was in dire need of some new reading material. Travelling alone was quite lonely, not that I minded, but I needed something to keep me occupied that didn't have four legs and barked at me every time I saw it. I needed the company of fictional characters, as sad as that sounds. I had set up home nearby and was currently walking with Jake and Leah to the bookstore that was in the centre of the town. The weather was cloudy and cold but dry and it didn't seem as if it was about to rain. Overall, I thought it was an okay day, much better than others that I had seen. My arm was pulled hard and I looked down to Jake who was on the end of the lead that was attached. He was running after each car that drove past us and it was starting to annoy me, not to mention hurt my arm.

"Jake! Will you stop that you eejit!" I shouted at him, my annoyance peaking. I started to mutter to myself as another car sped past and he watched it as if it was the most amazing thing ever. I looked behind me past the shops and buildings to see another car come towards us. It was a silver Volvo and I was dreading how Jake would react. He had a strange thing for the colour silver and that was one of the main reasons why I never bought anything in that colour, as, the next day, it would be gone. I gripped the lead tighter in my hand and braced myself for the inevitable. The car zoomed past and Jake went mad. He started to bark and jump and tried to run along after it. This then caused Leah, who was on my other side, to bark and follow Jake running up the road. I didn't have the strength to hold both of them back at the same time and so I pulled along after them.

"¡Mierda! Jake! Leah! I will you stop!!!" I screamed, "Oh, bloody hell." I muttered when they didn't. People on the opposite side of the road had started to laugh and stare at me as I was forcefully dragged along after a car that had now disappeared. I sped up so that I wasn't almost falling over at each step I took. They continued to run after the non existent car for more than five minutes. By this time, I was exhausted and ready to collapse. The store, thankfully, was now very close but I could see a glint of paint in front of it. My dread built as my fears were confirmed. It was the silver Volvo and Jake started to bark at it again. I prayed to God that he didn't run up and jump on it, effectively ruining the paint work as he did so. The bookstore I was looking for was now on my right and the car was only a couple of spaces down. Jake was distracted, looking at the sidewalk, really didn't know why but I thought that it was better than ruining someone's car.

"Jake, come on boy." I said to him, trying to keep him distracted as I walked into the store. He followed me willingly and I breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't try to walk back out. He had a tendency to do that. As I have said many times before, he was a strange dog but I loved him for it. I tried to keep them both near to my side whilst I walked around so they didn't try to knock over any shelves but I didn't think it was working as Jake was being his usual inquisitive self and was trying to run up and sniff the other customers. I suddenly regretted bringing him along. Leah, on the other hand, was quietly following me along, almost licking me heels she was that close. I walked through each of the rows, dragging Jake away from other people and found the section that I was looking for, The Classics. I adored classical books; they always had simple plotlines that I was able to read over and over again. So far, I had _Pride and Prejudice_ and _Sense and Sensibility_ but my copy of _Wuthering Heights _was now completely ruined. The cover was falling off and the spine was unrecognisable. I needed a new copy and I also wanted to see if there were any other new books out. Fantasy and science fiction books were a secret passion of mine. No one but Jake and Leah knew about it, well, there was no one else to know about it.

I now had no idea where Jake had gone. Recently, he has found the way to take off his collar by sliding it over his head. Still didn't know how he figured that out but I now had just a limp lead in my hand and it was trailing behind me as I walked. Leah was till hugging my leg as I walked and I knew that s

He was tired and wanted to go home. I didn't blame her, I just didn't want to leave her on her own, and I thought she might rip up my van. She may be small, but she's feisty and, secretly, I was scared of her when she got angry. Jake on the other hand was fun to tease as he just barks at me pitifully and so I was never scared. Anyway, I was walking down the isle when I heard him. It was a voice so soft I was sure it was made of velvet, and I know, that's impossible but it's true. He was asking for I book I think, my mind was too focussed on where I had heard that voice before. It clicked suddenly as I passed an intersection between the isles. I whipped my head around, impatient to see the man who had haunted my dreams and daydreams for the last six years. My mind hadn't done him justice. His hair was better than I could remember; the bronze highlight glinted in the artificial lights that covered the ceiling of the shop. My heart was hammering as my eyes traced his features. His skin was as pale as ever but from my viewpoint, I couldn't see any signs of aging. It was if he hadn't changed at all. I couldn't see any wrinkles or markings on his skin. I could only see a third of his face but it was enough for me. I could see the edge of his glorious mouth and the outer third of his golden orb of an eye.

I was shocked out of my revelation by a barking that was yammering up at me from my feet. It was Jake. He had a scared look in his eyes and I could tell that he was terrified of something. I had only ever seen this one time before. It when we were still living with the carnival. There was a spider underneath the van, right above where he was meant to be sleeping. He had come bounding into the van, not caring that I was in the middle of a reading and jumped onto my lap, shaking like a leaf. Thankfully, the man opposite me was kind enough to not be angry at Jake but he did look slightly put out, and I didn't blame him, having a dog run in when you have paid for a service is quite annoying. I had managed to subdue Jake then and put him on my bed, sorting the spider out after the man had left. It seemed that I could calm him this time though. His eyes were wide and kept darting everywhere, as if he was expecting something to jump out at him. I knelt down in front of him and noticed that Leah was also quivering behind me, she was lying down and her ears and tail were down, as if she was trying to hide. This was strange; Leah was one of the few animals that I knew who wasn't scared of much. She was a brave dog but she didn't look it, she could also be slightly evil but her pristine white fur and big brown eyes made her look like an innocent angel.

"What's the matter baby?" I asked Jake quietly. I glanced up quickly, to see if there was anything out of the ordinary. I was suddenly caught in a trance by two golden orbs, staring back at me. The only thing I could see was him. It was as if the rest of the world had ceased to exist for me, the eyes bored into mine and I could see a range of emotions swimming in them. Pity was first and I could guess the reason why. He felt sorry for me because of Jake. The dog was terrified, anyone could see that but it was as if he knew the reason why. There was understanding in there as well as if he knew everything. I saw a slight sliver of recognition burn and brighten the longer he looked at me. I blinked at him and in that moment, he stood straighter and stared at me with a greater intensity. I started to get paranoid, was there something on my face, something I didn't know about? I blinked again and he had moved suddenly, his hand coming up to his nose, pinching the bridge of it, just like I remembered him doing outside my tent all those years ago. I could see that he was annoyed, my time watching for peoples reactions to my readings were paying off. He was walking away, too quickly than I could have thought possible. Jake was still shaking and was getting worse as he walked past us. The exit to the shop was behind us and I could feel no heat come off his body as he walked past us, well, it was more of a run or a power walk. He knew me. I could tell. Strapping on Jake's lead, I dragged him outside, trying to find him and just look to see if my eyes had deceived me. All I could see was the silver Volvo speed away. The only I could think was, _he hasn't changed at all. _It was then that I got the urge to flip the cards, an urge that I hadn't had for quite some time and think I now knew why.

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**Well? What do you think???? Now so far, for this story i have had 300 hits and I am very thankful for those people but sadly i have only had 7 reviews! What's with that???? So, i have decided that until i get 20 reviews, i will not be updating this story. It's that or nothing!!! **

**Now, i just wanted to say sorry for not updating earlier but i had a gcse this week and so have been revising like crazy!!!! Erm ,don't know what else to say so erm........ pls review!!!! It makes me happy and helps me write the next chapter. **

**Just to say that** ¡Mierda!** means shit! in spanish. Just thought you might like to know. **

**There are also pictures of what she wears in this chapter on my profile, and i know that this is random but on some profiles, people have been able to make the links go blue, but when i copy and paste each link, they don't. Any one know why??? Anyone able to help me change that??? **

**Oh, and before i go, anyone interested in being a beta?? **

**Thanx**

**Cullen1994**


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was a little while later that I arrived back at the van, the wind had picked up and leaves were blowing round on the ground, a product of the seasons changing so rapidly around me. My mind was in shock. I knew him. Edward, the God who had haunted my days and nights. I could remember his eyes, so golden and so full of emotions. I felt like I was drowning in them and I had only seen them once. I was officially losing my mind. I was a strong, independent woman and I did not need to be fawning over a guy, especially not one who I hadn't seen in six years.

I entered the van, my mind churning and trying to decide whether I should look for him or not. Naturally, I was an inquisitive person and I was dying to know why he hadn't changed. I knew that subconsciously, I had been trying to find out the reason for it. My mind was going in circles between plastic surgery and just really good face cream but I know that it can't just be that. The van was just as I had left it, messy with clothes throw everywhere. There were jeans and skirts hanging from the walls from nails that I had installed to help hang the drapes when I was doing readings for people. Over the last week of travelling, I had added more posters that I had picked up but so far, I couldn't find the time to put them up. I was drifting between thoughts and couldn't find an anchor to hold onto. I needed to distract myself. My thoughts were getting strange; it was like I was jumping from one topic to the next. Night was arriving quickly so I entered the van, making sure that the dogs were both inside, they had settled down once the car had gone, both had returned to the state they were in before. I needed to get out of this place, before I was too tempted and curious to go and look for him. No! I couldn't think like that! It would only make things worse. The next morning I would move on from this place, and try and leave this entire thing behind. With my mind made up, I got ready for bed in my usual pyjamas, chequered shorts and an ACDC t-shirt, and settled down to sleep.

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The next morning, I had a map on the seat next to me and as the horses trotted down the road, I picked it up and looked through it, trying to find a nice place to stay for a while. I had looked before and found a place not far from Port Angeles, it was a place called La Push, and from the map it looked like my kind of town. I put down the map and focused on getting there quickly, my mind made up and my emotions finally picking up.

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The horses were getting restless; I knew that they needed to be fed. We all did. My stomach had started to rumble a couple of minutes ago and now just wouldn't stop. It was really embarrassing, especially when your pets overhear it and whine at you, like they are complaining about the noise. I felt the need to apologise after each time, it was starting to get ridiculous and I was losing my mind, I was sure of it. We came to a small town, just fifteen minutes away from La Push called Forks and I really needed to stock up on supplies. My fridge was seriously low on food and I don't think I could make it another day. God, I sounded dramatic! I steered the horses to the local supermarket that was nearby, whilst receiving some funny looks but I didn't blame them, how often do you see a horse and caravan stroll through this place?! Parking the van in the car park, I stepped down and grabbed my purse that was inside the van. I entered the shop and I understood why I received the looks that I did. I was wearing a bright pink tutu with a purple and dark purple corset style top. On my feet I had bright pink converse and I had long arm warmers on each arm. I loved this outfit, it showed off my mood, I was happy and everyone could see it. However, now, this was starting to seem like a bad idea. Everyone here was in jeans and a flannel shirt. They all had rain coats on, even though it wasn't raining. That, I admit, I found a bit odd. It was if they had predicted the future and saw that it will rain today. I grabbed a nearby basket and started to walk down each isle, picking the things up that I needed to sustain me until I could find another store. I bought the usual, y'know, eggs, meat, potatoes, milk, sweets, that sort of stuff but also bran, oats, coarse mix and sugar lumps for the horses. I also found milkshakes and some random dog food that I had never heard about that was half price. I made my way to the till and put all of my things on the belt, waiting to be served. The woman behind the till was gawking at me, well probably my outfit but it was the same thing. I mean, compared to what other people were wearing, I did look slightly insane. I snapped my fingers in front of her face to get her attention and she blushed slightly at getting caught staring, although I didn't see how she thought she was being subtle. She scanned my items and I put them into a bag and carried them back to the van. I could see a small mall over the road, just by the store and after I had put all the food away, I walked over to check it out.

On the inside, it was small and only had one floor. There were quite a few shops though and I walked around looking in each one but left because of the looks that I received. I was just about to enter another bookstore when I spotted them. They were coming out of a shop opposite and were talking between themselves. They were both beautiful with flawless features and bodies. All the males had their eyes attached to them but they either didn't notice or didn't care. I gasped quietly as they turned in my direction and the smaller of the two turned at the sound even though I was too far away, so she couldn't have heard me. She had a smallish face but had the features of a pixie. Her eyes were golden and small but in perfect proportion to the rest of her face. Her nose was small and cute and lead down to her mouth, perfectly pink and small, just like the rest of her. Her skin was as white as snow yet she didn't seem concerned, unlike others who would have used a tanning product. I admired her for that; she didn't care if people thought she was pale. The girl next to her who also looked in my direction when the pixie-link girl did was the picture of perfection. She was taller than the pixie and had long golden hair that matched her eyes. Her legs seemed to go on forever in the light blue jeans that were practically pained onto her legs. She had the biggest lips that were always in a perfect pout. Neither of them wore that much make-up, they didn't need to with those features. My self-esteem took a hit even though I never really cared about what people thought. It was a natural reaction when in her presence. However, that wasn't the reason that I gasped. I recognised them, just like I had recognised Edward in the bookstore. They had also come to me six years ago and they too hadn't changed at all. It was Alice I think, it was her that had the strange reading, and one I had never came across before or after. I stared at them for what seemed like forever and it was only until I realised that they were coming over to me did I move. I turned quickly and walked into the store behind me. I walked quickly through the isles, weaving through each one, as if I could lose them through the confusion. It didn't work. I only ended up back at the front of the store and in front of the two of them.

My heart was pounding; I didn't understand what was going on. They were standing there with expressions ranging from happy and excited to annoyed and slightly scared. I looked at Alice first, with her eyes shining with anticipation, as if she knew that this was going to happen, as if she wanted it to happen. Then there was the model next to her, her eyes were practically shouting out 'annoyed' but once you looked behind that, there was protectiveness and a slight amount of fear lurking there, ready to come out at any moment. I cowered away from her stare as her golden orbs raked over my outfit. I knew that I shouldn't feel like this, I never had before, but there was just something about them both that intrigued me, yet at the same time warned me to stay away. My courage was wavering as I said to them,

"Hello. Can I help you?" my voice quivered with the fear that I knew they could see. My hands were at my sides but I felt like they should be shaking in fear.

"Hi. I'm Alice and this is Rosalie. Could we talk to you for a minute?" Alice asked, her voice still holding that musical quality that I remembered from our last meeting. Nodding slightly, I followed them outside to the benches adorning the outside of the mall. I could see my van just over the road and the horses munching on the oats, bran and coarse mix that I had bought for them, through the small window in the side, I could see both Leah and Jake peering outside, watching people walk past and barking happily. I smiled at the sight before Alice and Rosalie sat down on either side. My tutu was sticking up but I didn't care as I fixed my socks. I was fiddling with the jelly bracelets on my wrist as I waited for them to start talking.

"I love your outfit, by the way." Alice started off. I looked at her with incredulity written all over my face and I wasn't the only one. Next to me, Rosalie hissed something that I didn't catch but somehow, Alice did. She glared back but again turned to me with an apologetic look, "I'm sorry about this but would you mind coming back to our home. I think we need to have a family meeting about this. You see we have met before and I think you remember."

"Yeah, I remember. The Carnival, six years ago." I whispered quietly. She nodded and I saw, out the corner of my eye, Rosalie grimace. They stood up and I followed but when they went over to a sports car, I went over the road to my van. Grabbing my arm, Alice exclaimed,

"Where do you think your going?"

"My van?" I said, confused and questioningly. I saw them both look up and Rosalie looked surprised, as if she thought I looked ridiculous, but Alice looked up and smiled slightly, as if she looking at it with fond memories.

"Rose? Do you mind driving? I want to go with Bella so she doesn't get lost." Alice said whilst still looking at the van. I looked back and saw Rosalie nod once, her expression angry or annoyed. I walked across the road with Alice next to me. She looked curious but excited, as if she couldn't wait for the future to come. I opened the van up and walked in grabbing Jake's and Leah's collars I did so, and putting them on my bed before closing the half door. Cautiously, Alice stepped inside, her eyes staring around in wonder at my home. I spotted the cards on the table, already laid out ready to flip, if I ever had the urge. I turned to Alice only to see her with her eyes glazed over as she stared at my walls and the posters adorning them. I started to get worried as she continued for a few seconds without snapping put of it. It was if she wasn't with me in the van but her spirit had wondered and was watching something else. My instincts were telling me to shake her but I waited to see if she would snap out of it herself. I stood by, my hands clasped together as I waited in front of her. I knew that my eyes were full of questions and they would be the first thing she would see when she came back. It was only a second later that she came to; her eyes were wide and stared at me then flashed to the cards in awe. I was now even more confused. However that was short lived as I received the urge again. I had ignored it for the past week, letting my feet guide me, not the cards, but now, now was different. It was a different type of feeling. More insistent and no matter how hard I tried to ignore the feeling, my mind always went back to the cards. That was how I knew something big was about to happen, if they didn't leave me alone. It had only happened once and it was after Alice and Edward had visited me. I looked at her then. She was staring at me in expectation, as if she knew what I would do next. It annoyed me, I didn't like people looking at me like I was some sort of freak, but she was different. She looked at me with awe and expectation. I didn't like it, it made me feel as if she thought I was destined for something and I knew that I would only let her down. I didn't like letting people down. I looked at her with an apology written in my eyes and then I approached the table with the cards sitting on top innocently. She followed me over, but it was if she was purposely making noise, as if she was making her presence known. It freaked me out and confused me. I sat down and she sat opposite. I looked at her once and smiled slightly but she didn't see as she was looking at the cards as if they were about to do something magical. I touched the first card and took at breath before turning it over. Death stared back at me. This was new. For the last few times, the hermit in my past and now it has changed and it shook me. I shook my head and cleared my mind and placed my hand on the second card. I glanced up at Alice who was staring at the first card with what looked like pity on her face. I hardened my features at that. I didn't want her pity. I didn't want anyone's pity. I flipped the next card almost angrily. The Fool was there, dancing on the edge of the cliff, change was coming. I knew it, ever since I saw Edward in the bookstore; my life was going to change. I took a deep breath and held it as I flipped the last card. My breath rushed out as I saw Judgement stare at me. It could mean a variety of things, from rebirth to redemption. I always found it comforting. It meant that you were going to get what you deserved and if you had been good, well then you had nothing to worry about. I looked up then and saw Alice staring at me. I cleared my throat and packed away the cards and made myself busy. I stepped out of the van and heard Alice follow. I motioned for her to get up behind the horses and followed her when she had sat down. I hadn't taken the harness off the horses so I got them walking then followed the directions that Alice provided. We travelled in silence until my mind clicked into place. It had been whirring ever since I flipped the cards, but now it had settled.

"How did you know my name?" I asked quietly.

"Huh?" She asked as if she was coming out of a daydream, "Oh, well I'll explain when we get there. Can't these horses go any faster?" She asked, changing the subject, which wasn't very subtle.

"Subtle." I muttered, "No. They are horses not an engine. How would you like it if you had been walking for a week without any real rest? Could you then run any faster?" I said my voice annoyed. I was going the complete wrong way. I was meant to be going in the opposite direction towards La Push. I wanted to see the beaches and experience new things. I might have even been able to spend more than to nights there.

"Oh. Sorry." She said, her voice betraying the remorse she felt. "Turn here." She motioned to a gap in the trees that I would have missed otherwise. The road seemed to wind on forever and I was starting to get bored. I wanted to go to La Push; I wanted a life, a simple shower. I wanted to just put on my pyjamas and read a book on my bed. I didn't want to do this. I knew something was wrong and I knew that after this 'meeting' my life wouldn't be the same again. A huge white house formed in my sight and all I could think was _here we go._ _From now on, my life will never be the same again._

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**Okay, so i know that i haven't updated in a while and i am sorry about that. Also sorry about last time. I had a really bad day so sorry if you thought i was being mean. :S**

**Erm.... dunno what else to say except _REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!_**

**Oh! and there are pictures of outfits on my profile under _polyvore_. Just flick through each outfit and the names should explain which outfit goes with which chapter.**

**Cullen1994**


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